I wrote two letters today. Sitting on the plane to a surprise trip to CDMX, I opened my notes app, closed my eyes and looked through the window of my soul. I was back in my Harlem bedroom ready to run a quick errand, I was sitting on my chair and I took a picture of Walter on my phone. I transported not just in time, but in spirit. I suddenly felt stuck in that moment. It took me a while to recognize myself because I couldn’t remember the last time I felt that way. The last time I couldn’t see forward. I was stuck on that chair trying to piece together memories of that day and couldn’t. My spirit was stuck, but not uncomfortable. This discomfort did not come from a void, but instead the peace of no expectations. I held space for that moment of nothingness. It was a vulnerable stillness.
25 February 2015 — Happy 20th Monai. I know today feels a bit underwhelming. You are Entering a new decade but not sure how to celebrate today, especially constantly worrying about a 6 month old puppy. The sun is out, it’s surprisingly warm, and you took the day off of work. Take a long walk with Walter on Riverside Drive. You’ll cherish those moments for years to come. Take a selfie. Sit on the bench at the park and look at the water.
Today is a beautiful day that’s moving quite quickly. I know it’s hard to visualize anything beyond getting through your 3rd year of college, caring for Walter, and the numbness of nothingness. Do not fear it. Embrace the nothingness, the average, the quiet. Remember that conversation you had just last year? With your friend in the bathroom in that apartment on the Upper West Side? Cyphing a joint, you said that you wanted to make flowers “cool” — you said that maybe you could have an exhibition or some kind of art piece. You said that you could make it beautiful and inspire other people. Hold on to that moment for a bit longer. The next few years will be challenging, beautiful, earth shattering, and transformative. What if I told you in 3 years, you’ll be 3000+ miles away with that puppy who won’t stop peeing everywhere? What if I told you that this nothingness, this boring day that you perceive as unmemorable, will be one you’ll look back to in 10 years and appreciate for its vulnerability. It will be a long time and many birthdays before you come back to this stillness. After today, you will go full speed ahead, you won’t regret it. I’ll meet you back here, in this stillness, in this tenderness soon enough. Welcome to the decade that will change everything.
I’ll be waiting for you. Love Monai.
I wrote two letters today. I looked up at the grooves of the plane’s overhead compartment and stared. I had transported again but this time to the year 2035. I’ve always been a day dreamer, and I saw myself in 2035 quickly and clearly. I was sitting down at a medium sized brown wooden desk with my favorite black ink pen and a single sheet of white lined paper. I became engulfed with joyful peace. I inhaled and my body became softer. Coming back to present self, sinking into the seat on my flight, I lifted my head to the dark tv screen in front of me and met my reflection. I smiled and my future self smiled back, with a gentle sigh she closed her lips and the smile became a smirk. Without breaking eye contact, she pulled down her glasses and said “I told you it would all work out” — She looked down and began to write.
25 February 2025 — Happy 30th Monai. I know you thought life would look different. You did it though. You made it. Welcome to your third floor. 2024 was difficult, you went inward and navigated a labyrinth of deep emotion, honesty, and confusion in order to find your light again.
Welcome to your flow era. Remember when you thought your mid 20’s was your peak? It was the practice test wasn’t it? You’ve studied hard, failed a few pop quizzes, but you are now ready. You listened to a podcast a few weeks ago with Jeff Kober and he said:
“God is the flow of life moving from the darkness to the light, and when I become aligned with that flow it stops being a struggle.” — “I am that flow”
Welcome to your flow. Exhale.
What if I told you that you are going to blow your own mind? What if I told you that the 2025 plan you wrote will be better than you could ever imagine? You’ll learn to think bigger over the next two years, with more direction and less distraction. Take a moment and look around you. You are supported by a beautiful community of people that love you and value you. Lean into these people, ask for help when you need it, and practice openness even when it feels hard. Keep exploring the depth of your spirituality.
What if I told you that you haven’t yet bloomed? That you’ve actually spent the last two years focused on root development. A healthy plant that has not produced a leaf in a while is not dead. I see you. I see you breaking out of the stem. It’s your time to unfurl into the biggest leaf you’ve ever produced.
Don’t worry yourself too much about that tightness you feel in your chest. It’s the discomfort of growing. It’s the life force of your creativity ready to face the sun. Do not fear it, embrace the discomfort. Get comfortable with change. Everything, every-single-thing you’ve done in your 20s has led you to this incredible moment. It will go by faster than you think, savor the sweet taste of time’s nectar.
Take a moment today to be still. Before the day comes to a close say that prayer you wrote down last week. You are on the precipice of the life that dreamt of you. Your ancestors want to show you how good it can get. So sit down, get out of your head, and get out of their way. You are not in the drivers seat of your destiny…it’s already written. For the next 10 years I want you to enjoy the ride, listen deeply, and trust that you are exactly where you need to be. Let your heart continue to love deeply and allow your incredible mind to go one step further every single day.
I’ll be waiting for you. We’ll be waiting for you. Love Monai.
